Category Archives: Holy &#@%

Game On Dude!

Normally when it’s been ‘game on’ in the past, it means I’m trying to match wits with a certain blonde knucklehead. This time however, we’re talking about a totally different game.

I’ve tried, really I have. Living in an urban setting, there is a surprisingly diverse wildlife population. Foxes, all sorts of songbirds, a couple of mangy coyotes, an owl, a pair of hawks, some raccoons and of course, squirrels. I enjoy watching them as they adapt to city life and have managed to co-habitat easily with them. That is, except…for the squirrels which seem to be some sort of spin-off from a Hell’s Angels fur gang, minus leather jackets. Lately they’ve become even more bold.

Source filched from the web

Oh sure, we all like to think of our little Sciuridae fur-iends as impossibly cute and even entertaining. Isn’t the one above just beyond adorable? Yeah right. The ones in my neighborhood are a lot more like this one. They’ve eaten screens, chewed ginormous holes in the trash and recycle bins to scrap out that lone tiny piece of stuck cheese in the discarded pizza box and left giant holes in the compost bins. Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind it they stuck to the compost bins and enjoyed a strawberry hull or two, but crimmin-Italy…not the dang window screen…again!!

Source: another filched image from the Web

Less than two weeks ago, the most brazen of the 3 or 4 that have been terrorizing gracing the Ranch from large tree in the front yard chewed through the screen in the kitchen presumably to snack on some bananas. Must be offspring from the one from a few years ago that broke in through that same screen and devoured a package of brownies on the counter. Yesterday as we were returning from our early morning walk, we arrived to find a blur whiz past us. Naturally the Ninja huntress took off after it. She nearly caught him too. Sure gave him a scare as he double timed it up the utility pole just out of jaw’s reach.

Meanwhile, back at the scene of the crime, I realized we had caught him ‘screen-handed’ though by the time I retrieved Elsa from chasing him, the only thing left was yet another torn screen in the exact same spot as the prior 2 times. Little bastard. If it only happened a few times every 4 or 5 years, I probably wouldn’t be so cranky about it. But this was less than two weeks ago!! So I went out to the garage to see if I still had any rat traps. While I didn’t find a rat trap, I did find a couple of mouse traps and baited them with some peanut butter. Not 30 minutes later that same hoodlum snatched the glob of PB off one and triggered the other one from the window sill. Are you freaking kidding me??!!

Ok, pal…it’s game on now and I’m going full nuclear. I’m going full Bill Murray from “Caddyshack” and plan to catch that little rat bastard. Have you ever been victimized by a rogue gangster squirrel? While I consider myself a major animal and wildlife lover, this. has. got. to. stop. We’ll be visiting our friendly hardware store this morning to stock up on armament.

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Word(y) Wednesday

Even though he may be a bit long in the tooth (though not half bad for an almost 55-year-old dude), the teasers for the latest Tom Cruise modern day reboot of The Mummy kind of took me by surprise (how does he stay that buff). I found this PG meme which seemed to kind of play off the ‘other side’ part, with a smile for those who prefer to NOT be scared to pieces by CG monsters.

But…if you do feel compelled to have the living know-know-what scared out of you, watch the extended trailer here.

Do you like action-adventure horror films, Tom Cruise and remakes or do you just like a pleasant summer afternoon in a nicely air-conditioned theater with popcorn?

Happy mid-week.

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Innocent or Naughty?

A recent discovery has forced me to employ some special Sherlock Holmes powers of deduction and observation while try to solve a mystery concerning Elsa. Oh sure, she looks the picture of innocence…all snuggled up in a tight curled ball. Sleeping so serenely. But is that really what’s going on in this case?

A bit of background on this little girl. Almost from the time she was rescued, she would ‘dig’ at her bed. Not just a couple of paw scratches to create some kind of nest, but some seriously digging. Like she was digging to China. She paws, scratches and digs with her front paws, then circles around the heap and flops down. It’s entertaining as all get out, but bizarrely weird since I’ve never had a dog that dug like that so intensely. She goes full-on excavator for several minutes.

A couple of days ago in an early morn pit stop in the backyard, my sweet girl went to relieve herself like a good girl. I was still kind of asleep and it was barely light so nothing out of the ordinary registered in my still sleepy brain. And then we went out again following breakfast (now fully awake) and I’m aghast to see ‘something’ odd and rather indescribable in the pile left earlier. Clearly it was something not exactly typical. OMD…it looked like a piece of fabric! I just shook my head. What the heck had she eaten now?

Notice anything unusual from the above picture of innocence to this full frame photo? Like that hole? While ‘digging toward China’ in the studio, I discovered there was something missing from the blanket that the dogs take turns laying on. It always makes me smile when they switch places on the blanket. First Sam, then Elsa. But when I saw Elsa next to it, I realized there was something unusual about it.

Yup, seems my…ahem…sweet little Ninja apparently ate part of the blanket. I think that what I saw in the back yard might have been that piece of missing fabric although I still can’t say with 100% certainty that it’s not something else. with this girl. Guess I better check the toys closely, my sock drawer, and anything else not nailed down.  Oh. That. Dog.

So you tell me…the picture of innocence or mischievously naughty? Either way – yikes!

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Theft Tuesday

Hello, is this the police department? It’s me, Elsa, the Ninja. I wish to report a theft. Over the weekend there was a conspiracy with my mom to steal my furs! Mom has been saying that I looked like a Muppet but she never said they would steal my furs!

Police Dispatcher: Um, ma’am…we don’t handle that kind of theft. I think you better take it up with your mom.

Me: Well I never! Maybe you guys can tell me what to do about this highway robbery?!

Since mom brought me home 8 months ago, she’s been trying to keep my luxurious coat looking it’s best. I let her trim me up a couple of times but it just isn’t my cup of kibble to have the water works, clipper and hairdryer so mom has been using scissors lately, but I’m so over her feeble attempts.

Luckily my big brother told me what to expect since he donated his furs earlier in the week so he could work at the hospital. He’s used to it and both mom and the groomer say he’s a good boy at it. Pfft! Good boy, ha…that’s laughable. He’s so dumb he just doesn’t know any better. Resist, I say!!

Should have figured out there was something rotten in Denmark going on since I got to go for a ride by myself. So here I am with Rebecca (Sam’s groomer when mom doesn’t spiff him up). She nice and all and I liked her, but I mean, criminy…she seems a bit too happy making me nekked with scissors, clippers and a hair drying that sounded like it was going to take off Yikes!! Oh sure, she  seems all nice and everything, but people…come on…she’s stealing my filthy beautiful furs! What does she need them for, I ask? They don’t keep her warm. And they don’t go with her red hair. I think my expression say it all  (even if you can’t  see my eyes for all the fur).

There was a girl who had ‘a little curl…right in the middle of her forehead’

But it got worse. I had to endure water on top of the theft! I was willing to drip dry, then Rebecca said we should ‘just try the dryer out’ to see how I’d do. I’ll tell you how I’d do. I’d freaked out…that’s how I’d do. But actually, truth be told, I didn’t do too badly according to Rebecca who let mom stay with me just in case I had a seizure from the stress. She talked nicely to both me and mom and said I was a good girl and only got upset when the dryer was close to my ears.

After the drying, Rebecca finished up the detail work and spiffed me up nicely. She even removed that little curl in the middle of my forehead. Her and mom couldn’t stop laughing about that. Wish I sure knew what was so dang funny about it? More stolen fur if you ask me!

All and all it wasn’t the worst thing to happen and I do smell really good now if I say so myself and mom can’t stop hugging on me. Even my dimwit brother has been checking me out, catching a sniff here and there. Mom got a new bandana out and said hot pink went pawfectly with the new shiny trimmed furs. Waddu think? Look, I even have eyeballs!

I’m still keeping the police on speed dial, just in case we have to go through this theft business again any time soon. At least my toys comforted me. Have you been a victim of this kind of crime?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Dogs and Rain

I can wait it out. Wake me up when it’s dry again.

It rained yesterday in the 303 and while that’s a great thing in this high mountain desert climate, it doesn’t seem to sit well among the 4 legged inhabitants around here. When we woke up yesterday morning the dogs were greeted by a lovely, steady rain and not happy about it one bit. I think the pressure on the bladder was sufficient enough to at least get them to pee but pooping in the rain…well that just wasn’t gonna happen. Not no how, not no way. Despite encouragement from me on 3 separate occasions, Ms. Elsa (who normally hasn’t the slightest problem splashing her way through seriously deep puddles of water on our walks) had definite other ideas. Pooping just ain’t happening till this weather is gone. We all know Sam is a complete ‘snowflake’ when it comes to H2O and will hold it for ever how long is necessary but I just couldn’t convince Ms. Elsa it would be ok to make a quick poop and each time was greeted with this video reaction. [I know her pip-squeaky bark for a 50+ pound dog with accompanying tail wag are too funny, and I can almost see Sam’s eyes rolling at her giving me the what for even suggesting a quick trip outside to the favorite relief spot (what is it about females that demand a certain spot or no can do?). Male dogs seem far more comfortable letting ‘er rip. Anywhere. So long as there is no rain.]

It is a known fact that dogs and rain don’t mix. Why is that? Because dogs can hear a lot farther than us uprights can and their hearing is far more superior at higher frequencies than our own ears. Sound waves heard by dogs often are at a higher decibel level than what are brains can detect. Rain drops landing are amplified when landing on objects through their ear structure and can be overwhelming for dogs. Thus, you will often get this “You expect me to go out and poop in THAT” look? Yeah, I don’t think so!”

Can your dogs ‘hold’ out in rain as if their innards were made of cast iron even when they don’t mind getting wet?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

What a difference a day makes

Two days ago we received a surprise snow storm. While it was very welcomed, news reports yesterday suggested Denver will have the driest winter on record since the late 1800’s. To all those worried about the tulips, here’s what a day later looked like in the Mile High.

Happy Thursday. Our close personal friend Friday is just waiting around the corner to put more smiles on our faces. Make it a great one!

What a difference a day makes

Just in case you forget what springtime in the Rockies can look like. Love this state.

Springtime in the Rockies

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Monday Musings

Well…so much for the winter storm alert (note the pitiful, teensy weeny skiff of snow on the ‘shroom). Apparently the storm veered south of us. There was bupkus snow on the ‘shroom when we passed by it again over the weekend. I originally thought someone had maybe hauled it off but then realized I was looking in the wrong block. Sam wasn’t all that impressed with its size or the lack of snow. Maybe he’s just bummed there was no snow for him to romp in. But then again, I reminded him that he’d have had to wear his snow boots and he assured me that would not be the best way for him to start the week off. 

Bigger but not better. What’s with the no snow show?

Wouldn’t it be grand to have a job where you could be wrong nearly 100% most of the time and still get paid oodles of dough? Don’t know about you, but I think I’d like THAT job!

What kind of fun was on your weekend radar?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎