Hello, is this the police department? It’s me, Elsa, the Ninja. I wish to report a theft. Over the weekend there was a conspiracy with my mom to steal my furs! Mom has been saying that I looked like a Muppet but she never said they would steal my furs!
Police Dispatcher: Um, ma’am…we don’t handle that kind of theft. I think you better take it up with your mom.
Me: Well I never! Maybe you guys can tell me what to do about this highway robbery?!
Since mom brought me home 8 months ago, she’s been trying to keep my luxurious coat looking it’s best. I let her trim me up a couple of times but it just isn’t my cup of kibble to have the water works, clipper and hairdryer so mom has been using scissors lately, but I’m so over her feeble attempts.
Luckily my big brother told me what to expect since he donated his furs earlier in the week so he could work at the hospital. He’s used to it and both mom and the groomer say he’s a good boy at it. Pfft! Good boy, ha…that’s laughable. He’s so dumb he just doesn’t know any better. Resist, I say!!
Should have figured out there was something rotten in Denmark going on since I got to go for a ride by myself. So here I am with Rebecca (Sam’s groomer when mom doesn’t spiff him up). She nice and all and I liked her, but I mean, criminy…she seems a bit too happy making me nekked with scissors, clippers and a hair drying that sounded like it was going to take off Yikes!! Oh sure, she seems all nice and everything, but people…come on…she’s stealing my
filthy beautiful furs! What does she need them for, I ask? They don’t keep her warm. And they don’t go with her red hair. I think my expression say it all (even if you can’t see my eyes for all the fur).
But it got worse. I had to endure water on top of the theft! I was willing to drip dry, then Rebecca said we should ‘just try the dryer out’ to see how I’d do. I’ll tell you how I’d do. I’d freaked out…that’s how I’d do. But actually, truth be told, I didn’t do too badly according to Rebecca who let mom stay with me just in case I had a seizure from the stress. She talked nicely to both me and mom and said I was a good girl and only got upset when the dryer was close to my ears.
After the drying, Rebecca finished up the detail work and spiffed me up nicely. She even removed that little curl in the middle of my forehead. Her and mom couldn’t stop laughing about that. Wish I sure knew what was so dang funny about it? More stolen fur if you ask me!
All and all it wasn’t the worst thing to happen and I do smell really good now if I say so myself and mom can’t stop hugging on me. Even my dimwit brother has been checking me out, catching a sniff here and there. Mom got a new bandana out and said hot pink went pawfectly with the new shiny trimmed furs. Waddu think? Look, I even have eyeballs!
I’m still keeping the police on speed dial, just in case we have to go through this theft business again any time soon. At least my toys comforted me. Have you been a victim of this kind of crime?
Live, love, bark! ❤︎