Category Archives: Elsa’s World

Manic Monday

Elsa here. Hope you all at least had a good weekend. I was subjected to hideous torture and abuse. No, my mom didn’t punish me for eating another brand new sock, no it was much worse than that. Let me explain.

Mom took me for a ride. Normally that’d be a good thing because I like car rides, but I was all alone. The numskull brother didn’t get in the car with me. What’s up with that? Should have known something was up by taking a head count. So after 87 minutes of driving we arrived at a somewhat familiar parking lot. “Hmm, I think I’ve been here,” I thought. We got out of the car and started to go for a walk around the various stores. It was sprinkling a tiny bit but it felt good; for a change, the sun wasn’t beating down on my overly long black fur coat.

After a nice walk, we walked into the pet store where Rebecca greeted us. Uh-oh. Oh yeah, now I remembered this place. This is the fur-stealing store!!! Rebecca was nice but I was nervous. She’s always patient and gentle with me and lets my mom stay in case I have a seizure so she can work on making the nasty Epi-monster go away quickly. We went into the Chamber of Horrors Secrets and she got me up on the rack grooming table all primed to torture me. This recent photo doesn’t really show how bushy and long my fur coat was. Notice the panic panting tongue? Yeah, I’m stressed. I mean, wouldn’t you be. I’m standing there being a good girl while a fur theft was going on and my mom was helping commit the crime!!!  Mom forgot to take a good pic showing off my luxurious fur coat of the muppet fur, here’s one from the beginning of June before taking me on the ride to hell.

 

This is a few minutes into the theft.

Notice the ‘I’m not the slightest bit amused and almost pleading look I gave my mom. Believe it or not, she ignored me. The nerve! Kept saying some load of crap about ‘how good I was’ and ‘how pretty I was.’ Bah…I was being robbed and tortured right before her eyes and she’s blathering on about pretty? WTH?! So clearly pleading eyes didn’t seem to affect her cold, hollow heart, so then I decided to ignore her. She gets freaked out if I’m not fussing and fawning over her all the time. Then I moved to Plan B – playing hard to get. But alas, all she and Rebecca did was drag me over to the waterboarding area where the torture continued.

I still can’t fathom why she allows all this obscene torture. What kind of mother does that anyway, huh? Haven’t a been a good girl? Ok, so I ate a few socks and chewed up a few pairs of reading glasses along the way. Don’t we all? Normally you’d think uprights weren’t so vindictive, but apparently that’s not the case with my mom. I had to quickly move on to Plan C.

 

Switching strategies, I went into full on ‘poor, pitiful me’ looks. Clearly my charm and ‘je ne sais quoi’ qualities didn’t matter one bit. If waterboarding wasn’t bad enough, there was that terrible hideous machine that sounded like an airplane was taking off. I nearly lost all the remaining furs on my body I was so scared!

My terrified expressions didn’t seem to matter so this girl had to resort to more devious action. I thought I’ll just move to the back side of the torture tub where she can’t reach me with that foul hair dryer. Just like I do at home. Heh, heh.

Alas, foiled again. Guess I forgot about long cords, though given half a chance next time…maybe we can add that to the list of things I’ve munched in the past. Just kidding, mom. Sort of.

After two hours of torture and still not completely dry, Rebecca released me into my mother’s custody where she whisked me back to safety. I remember exiting the grooming shop with a “Best in Show” prance and my head and tail held high, never looking back at the people who ogled over me while mom paid for the torture grooming session. Seriously, you uprights pay real money to torture us?

When I bounced out of the car once we arrived home, I rushed in to share my tale of woe to the useless brother who is supposed to protect me. I distinctly heard him chortle as he rushed past me to greet mom, not even bothering to get the details of my ordeal. Just wait until next month when he goes to hospital. I’ll be first to “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah” him. It will serve him right too…couldn’t happen to a dumber doofus.

Now this is the face of a happy dog! Much like Martin Luther King, I howled, “Free at last, free at last, thank gawd almighty, I’m free at last.” I’m still a tad soggy here but with about 87 pounds less fur according to mom and Rebecca. They said something about making sweaters from all my fur. Pfft…you’d be so lucky.

My only question now is…what time is dinner? How do you cope with extreme ‘pawrental’ torture?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

 

Monday Moanings

Thief, thief…I’ve been robbed…again!

No, the hoodlum neighborhood gang of squirrels didn’t break in the kitchen window. Remember how I waxed on about the Ninja a few days ago on her terrific socialization progress was going? Fast forward a few days and now I can safely say I have a juvenile delinquent.

So the story goes like this: We were running low on dog food. No problem, I can swing by the pet food store and pick up a bag. Nothing unusual there, right? While running around I thought, I’ll swing by the grocery store too since, well, we were out of EVERYTHING. Again no problem on its surface. Let me set the scene. It was one of the many days the weather was in the mid-90’s and traffic was the pits. I finally got home, a total hot mess and sweating like stuffed pig. After carrying in several grocery bags and the dog food in the house, I thought I’d take 5 to hydrate with some iced lemonade. The dogs greeted me like they always do, I sat down and began sipping the beverage and life returned to normal. Or did it? All of a sudden I realize I’m missing a dog. Cue the spooky music.

So I go into the kitchen and see the Ninja with her head deep in that shopping bag and notice the box of croissants is semi-open with one minor detail. Only two of the buttery delectables out of a dozen remained. I took the box out and put it on the floor to re-create the crime scene since I couldn’t open the cellphone fast enough to catch the actual proof. But I did capture where she was licking up errant crumbs from the floor.

WTH, Elsa?! Those weren’t quite the actual words I said out loud (think creatively) for which this face stared back at me.

 

As if it was no big deal. Well, I guess a girl’s gotta have her pastries, I know I sure enjoy them at breakfast. I chuckled and just chocked it up to yet one more thing on the ever-growing list of things this dog has eaten and didn’t think much else about it.

The next day I was preparing dinner, I pulled this out of the oven piping hot and turned around to grab the pizza slicer and looked back to see that thieving little brat on her two hind legs standing with her front paws on the stove (something she has NEVER done since her hips are a tad wonky and always assumed it’s uncomfortable to jump up) taking a bite out of the edge. 

I hollered at her and she scurried out of the kitchen and then quick as a wink, Sam reaches up to try the same thing! Are you freaking kidding me? “Dude, you are supposed to be teaching her how to be a dog, not some waif-like pickpocket character from Oliver Twist!” *Ugh*

 

While Standard Poodles originated in Germany, I think my little urchin appears to be identifying more with the commonly thought of origination country, France for which I don’t blame her. But 10 croissants in a lightning quick moment? Dang girl! Maybe she is a distant relative of our favorite French fur-iend, Phenny and channelling her heritage?

Bottom line…I think we need to schedule a refresher training session for Sam and as far as Elsa goes, I don’t even know where to begin. Looks like someone needs a summer job to stay outa juvenile detention and maybe a DNA test to put pedigree to rest.

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Totally Tickled Tuesday

Elsa has now been with part of the Ranch pack a little over 9 months. And yes, it rather does feel like birthing a new kid. Her transition from a shut down, puppy mill survivor to a quirky poodle has been filled with tears and smiles. The tears from the fact that she didn’t even know how to take food from my hand initially and from her diagnosis of canine idiopathic epilepsy shortly after she arrived. Loads of patience and love have been in her life since she joined our merry little band. Even with a big brother who at times has been slightly unkind, she is morphing into a bona fide poodle. The smiles show up nearly every day as she discovers that being a poodle in Denver isn’t a bad life after all and one who has now found her barking voice and speaks in a poodle dialect of Yugoslavian whenever she looks at something and barks. We still have no idea as to what she’s saying but it must entertain her fancy because it gets her wound up and most definitely animated.

So what’s a bona fide Standard Poodle like? Compared to previous contenders I’ve owned over the years, these dogs are brilliant (ok, that might not accurately described Sam but for purposes of this post, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s sort of clever). They are athletic and can bounce and jump with the best of them. They are quite affectionate. And yes, very fun-loving. All my poodles have been sweet dogs and Elsa is learning that snuggling can be very reassuring and comforting. Plus there’s that whole thing of us uprights having nice cushy furniture they seem to relish.

While she still has a looong way to go before I could pronounce her a full-fledged “Standard Poodle,” and who knows, she may never make it all the way, she does continue to make progress.

Take a couple of mornings ago (but please disregard the clutter ok…remember it was early before I had a chance to pick things up). We rise early so we can enjoy our walks in the cool morning air. While waiting for my first cup of coffee to brew, little Miss Ninja went on a zoomie terror around the house for several minutes. She became transfixed with a tug rope that the sheepdogs used to play with. Sam was never interested in it but Elsa will occasional pull it out of her toy basket and ‘floss’ her teeth on it once in a while. That morning, she barked at it, pounced on it, repeatedly zoomed from the living room into the kitchen with it hanging from her mouth, play bowed repeatedly before attacking it and tossed it repeatedly. I was laughing so hard I could barely get a picture with my phone on the QT. She  enjoyed playing with it for an unusually long time and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that this ‘baby’s come a long way.’ It may not seem like a big deal, but when you’ve been a puppy mill survivor who only know a small cage for her entire life beforehand, it seems like a mountain of progress to me.

May you continue to blossom into a marvelous Standard Poodle, sweet girl and may you continue to keep tickling me along that way.

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

#TBT ~ June 22, 2017

It’s Throwback Thursday time. Sam here. Mom was going through some photos the other day for another project she was working on and came across this photo and turned to me and shook her head. She actually had the nerve to say out loud, “remember that day you were supposed to be watching the Ninja Elsa when she vandalized munched that brand new skein of yarn?!” Wait…what? Do I look like a freaking babysitter? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Woman, how’s about you just not being so wrapped up in crafting next time. Besides, I kept looking at you-can I help it if you didn’t pay attention to my silent eye daggers? Do I look like Lassie barking my fool head off about Timmy falling down the well? You need to get with it and ‘hear’ me better.

The week is rushing toward our best friend, Friday. Hope everyone is either staying cool or dry from the rain that skipped us. Whichever…hope all is well in your world.

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

The Privacy Issue

The issue of privacy is a big concern these days. From those strangers on Facebook you may or may not have gone to school with or former co-workers or employers stalking you sending friend requests, to Twitter trolls. And of course too many of us have had our email accounts hacked, our credit card number stolen and surreptitiously used to buy anything from concert tickets thousands of miles away to high-end electronics, just to name a few things.

Whether you live with little kids or dogs, the issue of “privacy” takes on an interesting dynamic that might not live in their lexicon. Oh sure, you can close a door on peeps, but dogs have a slightly different approach to a closed-door situation and are definitely of the opinion that doors are meant to be left open, or be opened. During cooler seasons, there’s usually a line outside the bathroom door waiting for me to return to the 4-legged members and not because ‘someone’ may need to use the facilities. “OMD…you’ve been in there for 90 seconds!! When are you coming out?? Whine, whine, scratch.”

Now that the official beginning of summer is just a day away and temperatures from coast to coast have been off sizzling so air conditioning is the norm rather than the exception. In our case, it means an evaporative air conditioner on the roof. This baby cools the whole house nicely with the added bonus of it adding much-needed humidity to the dry Denver air. The one downside to evaporative cooling is it frequently makes door jams swell. I guess there are worse First World problems, but when you have dogs, it can make for some interesting encounters, especially at the bathroom. In the winter, it’s not a problem unless noisy barks and paw stomping bother you, but these days…

While the door was closed as much as possible, it did not fit squarely in the door jam and stay closed so assorted versions of this generally happen.

Ah, poodles, God’s way of making us smile at long noses designed to push open doors for easy access. How do you deal with the issue of privacy and dogs at your place?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

 

Treachery Tuesday

Greetings sports fans. Well the Stanley Cup has been decided, as has the NBA championship last night. Sam here. Congrats to the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Golden State Warriors for some great sports. But that’s not relevant to my taking over the blog today. I just like sports and want to keep you all current on the latest. But if you’re looking for play-by-play for baseball…homey don’t go there.

It seems that despite all my best poodle efforts with training sessions, the Ninja is at it again. Our toys have been reduced to earless, toeless, and in some cases, armless/legless versions of their previous selves.

 

If I’ve told that crazy goat-imitating sister of mine once, I’ve told her 87,000 times. Stop eating the toys!! Note the missing arm here? Yeah, that. Mom looked up from doing some online work to find little puffs of stuffing strewn all over. She quickly had to scoop it all up before it ended up being completely swallowed. The arm remains completely missing but expect it to show up at some point…ahem…in the back yard if you know what I mean. Remember all those cute little toys mom made a few months ago? Here is the small one now. She already devoured munched the larger one.

Seems like she ate the arm and gnawed down the other one to a smallish stump. Mom is thinking of making new toys that are either circular in design or with a frowny face.

Oh sure, she looks totally innocent because she hadn’t devoured the blue thing yet though she chews on it regularly because it squeaks loudly. It seems to be the equivalent of an auditory vitamin she wants needs, because she tosses in the air and then pounces on the poor, unsuspecting thing. Between you and me, I think its days are numbered.

But in the good news department, she isn’t chewing on me as often mostly because I usually run and hide behind mom.  It’s easy for mom to laugh at her antics; she doesn’t have the jaws of death locked on the end of an ear, though I heard her squeal say something like “let go of my hair!!” Sunday morning. I think mom is just grateful no more reading glasses have been devoured or any more socks eaten. Guess we take those little victories where we can, right?

Mom has been thinking of creating a new category called ‘toy munching by the resident goat.’ What do you think?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Innocent or Naughty?

A recent discovery has forced me to employ some special Sherlock Holmes powers of deduction and observation while try to solve a mystery concerning Elsa. Oh sure, she looks the picture of innocence…all snuggled up in a tight curled ball. Sleeping so serenely. But is that really what’s going on in this case?

A bit of background on this little girl. Almost from the time she was rescued, she would ‘dig’ at her bed. Not just a couple of paw scratches to create some kind of nest, but some seriously digging. Like she was digging to China. She paws, scratches and digs with her front paws, then circles around the heap and flops down. It’s entertaining as all get out, but bizarrely weird since I’ve never had a dog that dug like that so intensely. She goes full-on excavator for several minutes.

A couple of days ago in an early morn pit stop in the backyard, my sweet girl went to relieve herself like a good girl. I was still kind of asleep and it was barely light so nothing out of the ordinary registered in my still sleepy brain. And then we went out again following breakfast (now fully awake) and I’m aghast to see ‘something’ odd and rather indescribable in the pile left earlier. Clearly it was something not exactly typical. OMD…it looked like a piece of fabric! I just shook my head. What the heck had she eaten now?

Notice anything unusual from the above picture of innocence to this full frame photo? Like that hole? While ‘digging toward China’ in the studio, I discovered there was something missing from the blanket that the dogs take turns laying on. It always makes me smile when they switch places on the blanket. First Sam, then Elsa. But when I saw Elsa next to it, I realized there was something unusual about it.

Yup, seems my…ahem…sweet little Ninja apparently ate part of the blanket. I think that what I saw in the back yard might have been that piece of missing fabric although I still can’t say with 100% certainty that it’s not something else. with this girl. Guess I better check the toys closely, my sock drawer, and anything else not nailed down.  Oh. That. Dog.

So you tell me…the picture of innocence or mischievously naughty? Either way – yikes!

Live, love, bark! ❤︎